Snake oil
Today’s growth into Humility comes as somebody insulted my son’s Virtue.
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Someone told my son that he is broken on the inside and that he can’t be happy UNLESS he gets what he wants on the outside…
… He’s been sold all the king’s horses.
Pride hurts when it doesn’t get what it wants. Humility has Compassion for itself and humbly puts itself together again.
I KNOW HE CAN.
… But my pride falls today when what I want is strength of resilience in Humility for my son - that he Love himself as-is - but he’s been convinced that he can’t do it, that he doesn’t have to, and that there is nothing to lose from getting what he wants.
Any ideology that tells you you’re broken on the inside and unable to put yourself together UNLESS (insert all the king’s horses) is abusive and attacking your strength in Humility.
It’s been argued that if you’re happy (when you get the king’s horses) then the external actions to “fix” your spirit are justified.
Two things:
1- YOU ARE NOT BROKEN.
2- Staying whole when you aren’t the greatest or don’t get your way is life’s virtuous work. Tethering happiness to outcome or external validation is a recipe for suffering that makes it harder to be happy NOW, as-is.
Happiness is not the issue here.
Given two people who have been sold all the king’s horses and are both happy, a humble person will be at Peace when what they want doesn’t manifest, and a prideful person will have spiritual turbulence (take offense) when their environment doesn’t conform to their preferences. Hanging your happiness on getting what you want is unhealthy. If there’s nothing physically wrong and the only thing that hurts is your pride from not getting what you want… then Humility is the price tag when getting what you want makes you happy.
When I’m in line at the grocery store, there are chocolate bars. If I take one, I’m happy. Happiness isn’t the issue. If I take one because I want one but I’d be OK without it, I am humble. If I take one because I feel like I need it and can’t be happy without it, I have tethered my pride to an outcome, and undoing that idea is the work of every healthy therapy session.
Humility is a strength. My son’s fall from Compassion for himself has shaken me to my core... I want him to put himself together again… His Humpty Dumpty fell because there’s an aspect of himself that he does not Love, and he’s looking for external powers…
For me, there are no horses…
… and I’m gonna be scrambled awhile.
YOU ARE NOT BROKEN, and shame on anybody who tells you otherwise and tries to sell you all the king’s horses.