SCRAMBLED
Humpty Dumpty fell today when what I wanted to be the greatest, was not.
***
Today’s wrestle with pride centered around my homework and feelings of inadequacy.
I am a student. By definition, I don't know what I'm doing yet... It's frustrating. I don't want to sit here watching myself fail, knowing I'm not the greatest yet and revolting against the work required to get there... I want to be better than I am, and Humpty is scrambled on the inside over the perceived offense of "incompetence."
I am at a point in a journey where I have not yet achieved mastery, and I have to humble myself with that knowledge and grow into Patience, Diligence, and Industry.
(...but I don't waaaannnnna!! Waaaah!! ... I want to kick! and scream! and throw things! and make everybody else feel as bad as I do and cheat my way out of healthy growth!!...) ...
But I know better... /sigh
It’s said that a thousand mile journey begins with a single step…
/step
-Egoomelette
Takes offense when he isn't the greatest or doesn't get his way. May lash out. Grows into Compassion and Humility.
Today’s pride fell as the number on the bathroom scale grew.
***
I don’t feel so great…
Yesterday, I indulged in creature comforts, and today I pay the price. I ate too much pizza and didn’t drink enough water. I was sedentary instead of active. I fell asleep early... I didn’t have Compassion for my limitations; I was gluttonous and slothful. Now, looking at the greater number on the scale, I see that I offended myself today by giving in to my vices yesterday.
I don’t feel so great, but I did it to myself. My physical health fell because I neglected my spiritual growth (specifically, Temperance). Growth can’t happen without friction, so Humpty needs to change his growth edges and bust his hump… to grow into health.
Sometimes healthy growth is a step back.
Working out starts within.
-Egoomelette
Today’s perceived fall from greatness happened when I went in to the wild world to make friends organically and didn’t get what I wanted.
***
I went out today… I put on jewelry. I wore my hair down. I went out to eat and for a walk and to a comedy show… I made the smile on my shell reach my inner shelf and did everything I could to BE magnetism… but people were either already in company or engaged within the company of themselves on their phones... and I devolved into my deVICE as well.
I want company. I want conversations. I want candor, cajoling, and cursing… and compassionate connectivity that persists over time and the kind of Peace that comes from communion with crazy kindred spirits… I want… and pride fell tonight when my efforts fell short of achieving my objective.
It’s easy to break on the inside when validation doesn’t come to me from the outside… But just because nobody else picked me up doesn’t mean I need to feel down; I am still great even when nobody notices. I must have Compassion for myself when I don’t get what I want, and humbly accept my circumstances.
Even though my awesomeness didn’t attract any new best friends and it’s awfully lonely up here on this wall tonight, I can humbly say that I was egg-sellent… and not seeing my greatness was everybody else’s fall..t 😬
-Egoomelette
Today’s growth into Humility comes as I wrestle with the consequences of my actions.
***
I am human. I’m not perfect; I make mistakes. I have to embrace the paths I’ve chosen… even when they aren’t the greatest.
I believe that as long as people are dedicated to Truth and healthy growth, they should be given the opportunity to demonstrate Virtue… Because people who have grown through adversity are wiser, more colorful, and more valuable.
Hurt people hurt people…. pride fell today as I angrily retaliated against a perceived threat… By doing so, I became a threat myself.
I vow to do better tomorrow… to grow into Compassion for myself and for others, to lovingly turn the other cheek in Patience and Forgiveness, to give myself Grace when I'm not the greatest, and to always speak well of my enemies… nothing but Good things.
Is there any Mercy out there for a damaged soul seeking to be whole?
Humbly,